it’s a living

I’ve had a headache all week and a decided lack of enthusiasm for everything except watching Season 1 of Nashville (which I checked out from my library; I feel as though I am missing some crucial plot points with the scratched and skipping discs but can’t be fussed) and reading the third book of Justin Cronin’s Passage trilogy, The City of Mirrors. The cats are being exceptionally troublesome since their Prozac prescription ran out and I am living in a welter of closed doors, relocated litter boxes, and rolls of paper towel to clean up Sarge’s enraged marking of various completely inappropriate surfaces.

Some days I feel like it is a huge accomplishment to get up, shower, dress up, pack lunches (me & Miss L), put dinner in the crockpot, feed the cats, do school dropoff, and drive 40 minutes to Ann Arbor just to sit in an office for 8 more hours listening to familiar gaits passing by my door – the Warranty Guy’s squeaky right shoe, the Chemists’s elephantine gait…work out, eat a sad microwaved lunch, and then drive 40 minutes home. How do people DO THIS THEIR WHOLE LIVES? How have I DONE THIS FOR MOST OF MY ADULT LIFE?

I feel like I am waiting for something to happen and I fully know that when and if something DOES actually happen, I’m probably going to like it even less than I like this period of crabby stasis. I do poorly with change and the only things that could break me out of the generally soporific routine of my life would likely be very unenjoyable. I think I am pondering these concepts due to the imminent fact of my service award luncheon at Widget Central tomorrow. They are giving me my 10-year certificate and this is annoying because I’ve actually been employed by them for 14 years, but they don’t count my first two because I quit and had to be re-hired by Widget Central Australia when we relocated there. This means that I was screwed out of a chance at a pension, and also took a hit with my vacation accruals, but I’ve come to deal with that and will try not to announce it loudly when I stand up and receive my award. The truly staggering thing – and the thing that I really feel proud of myself for – is that I have managed to retain some level of interest in widgets for 14 years. I have definitely earned that free cafeteria-catered lunch of Gordon’s vegetable lasagna and my choice of gift from the service award catalog (I selected a telescope which was given to Miss L for her birthday and which we have yet to assemble). Sweet Jesus help me to have another 20-odd years left in me.

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